Change in Venue

Fellow members who are following me on this blog, please continue to read my blog at the following link: http://renewal212.wordpress.com/ . After attending the BUG conference in Birmingham, I have chosen to revise a few things in my "social media world". I hope to continue to reach out to those who need hope and restoration. Thanks for your support!

Why Am I Angered?

Mark 3:1-5 (New International Version)
1Another time he went into the synagogue, and a man with a shriveled hand was there. 2Some of them were looking for a reason to accuse Jesus, so they watched him closely to see if he would heal him on the Sabbath. 3Jesus said to the man with the shriveled hand, "Stand up in front of everyone."
4Then Jesus asked them, "Which is lawful on the Sabbath: to do good or to do evil, to save life or to kill?" But they remained silent.
5He looked around at them in anger and, deeply distressed at their stubborn hearts, said to the man, "Stretch out your hand." He stretched it out, and his hand was completely restored.

(copied from the Nooma video "Store" guide) "Anger is simply an emotion. It's just your body's way of telling you that your will has been blocked. What you want to happen isn't happening. The problem isn't anger; the problem is what we do with it. It's where we take it. It's where we go with it. The question is, why am I angered? Because my anger is going to lead somewhere."

Have you asked yourself why something makes you angry? Where did your anger lead? By doing a self-evaluation, we can hope to recognize those areas that causes us to become angry, and by doing so, finding a way to release those emotions in a more constructive way.

Think Before We Speak

James 1: 19 "My dear brothers and sisters, be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry." I have heard it said that God created us with two ears and one mouth so we would listen twice as much as we speak---lol. God wants us to think before we speak. The impact of our words can either bring life or death to those who hear. God does not say to never become angry, but to be cautious in expressing a strong emotional response. Often times, things are said in the "heat of the moment", causing hurt to others that we regret later.

(footnote from The Life Recovery Bible) "We may be angry over our past as well as over current events. To control our anger, we need to give our life over to God. Even when we feel out of control, He can help us maintain our composure. He can give us the strength and wisdom to think and listen before we speak or act."

Anger Management

Anger: "a strong emotion; a feeling that is oriented toward some real or supposed grievance". It's that emotion that rises up within us, and different people handle it in different ways. This month, we will be focusing on anger, its effects, and look at scriptures to see how we can better handle this emotion in a healthy way: "Be angry and sin not". We will be watching portions of a Nooma video each week that deals with anger, and then discuss the different aspects. We welcome you to come and be a part of this group in July.

Acceptance

Tonight, we focused on acceptance, the final stage in the grief process. We discussed the Serenity Prayer, and how we must accept the things we cannot change, such as our past or other people's lives. We also discussed being able to have courage to change the things we can, such as behaviors or attitudes. I believe most in the group have accepted their current situation, even though there may be work left to do. This is where they are at, and they are striving to change and have hope.

I have enjoyed doing this series, and appreciate all those who have attended and participated. I look forward to next week when we will begin a new series, Anger Management. I have a feeling there will be some very interesting and "energized" group sessions in July for this topic.

The Serenity Prayer

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

When dealing with grief, you must reach a point of acceptance for complete healing to take place. You must accept and realize that the loss or event has occurred, and there's nothing you can do to change that fact. However, you can focus on the things you can change, such as your attitude, your thought processes, or a change in your lifestyle. You may need to make some adjustments or learn new behaviors to compensate for the loss. But, as you pray for God's strength and courage, He will see you through. Pray for God's wisdom to guide and direct you during this final stage of acceptance.

God's Still Working on You

Amos 9:11 (New International Version)
"In that day I will restore David's fallen tent. I will repair its broken places, restore its ruins, and build it as it used to be"

In the process of working through grief, many broken pieces may be found. It might mean relationships have been severed, your heart is "broken", or your finances are in ruins. But, God is faithful to take those broken pieces, build you back up, and in many ways, make you stronger than before. When a building is restored, it is taken back to its original design as much as possible. Often times, new pieces are added that resemble the old. But with it being "new", there is more strength. The floors, walls, etc. have not yet "weathered" with time. So, with your own personal life, allow some "newness" to come in; allow that restoration to take place. Build a strong foundation on which to stand.

2 Samuel 22:21 (The Message)
"God made my life complete when I placed all the pieces before him"

Renewal Schedule

June 16: NO meeting (Kid's Crusade)
June 23: Upward Turn/Working Through
June 30: Acceptance

June 30th will be the last meeting for the grief group for this cycle. In July, we will begin another subject matter (topic to be announced). I encourage anyone who has been a part of the grief group to try and make it to the last two meetings. I want to make sure your concerns have been heard, and you feel God is restoring you. I pray that healing has taken or is taking place, and you are feeling more at peace about the issues surrounding you. God bless you this week, and hope to see you next Tuesday, June 23 @ 6:30 pm.

Create in Me a Clean Heart

Psalm 51:
10Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.
11Cast me not away from thy presence; and take not thy holy spirit from me.
12Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation

This psalm comprises the song by Keith Green. I posted the video on facebook. It came to my spirit since it speaks of "renewing" and "restoring". I've listened to it several times tonight, so it's resounding in my head. My Renewal theme song for now.

The Song Within

Psalm 13 (New International Version)
1 How long, O LORD ? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me?
2 How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me?
3 Look on me and answer, O LORD my God. Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death;
4 my enemy will say, "I have overcome him," and my foes will rejoice when I fall.
5 But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation.
6 I will sing to the LORD, for he has been good to me.

David cried out to God in his distress. He asked God many questions. David's soul was in anguish. But, in the midst of his grief, David still had a song in his heart. And, he chose to sing it. Just like David, God allows us to express our hurts and grievances to Him. God wants to bring healing to those wounded areas. And, in like manner, God wants to hear the song within our heart, knowing that His love is always there.

Depression

Looking ahead to next week's meeting, the subject matter will be depression. Now, I know you might be thinking, "Oh, I can't wait to get to that one. What fun that will be. We can all sit around and talk about how sad we are, and shed a few tears." And, if that be the case, we always manage to have a box of Kleenex there. But, haven't we always shared some laughter amidst our grief as well?

Depression isn't just a case of the "blues". According to Merriam-Webster dictionary, depression is: " a psychoneurotic or psychotic disorder marked especially by sadness, inactivity, difficulty in thinking and concentration, a significant increase or decrease in appetite and time spent sleeping, feelings of dejection and hopelessness, and sometimes suicidal tendencies ". When left untreated, depression can cause further emotional and physical damage.

Depression is normal when dealing with grief. A feeling of sadness is expected. However, when it becomes prolonged is when the problem arises. Self-evaluations may be done online by answering a few simple questions. If you are experiencing any of the above symptoms, please seek support from a group, trusted friend or counselor.

Bargaining

(taken from "Healing Grief: Reclaiming Life After Any Loss" by James Van Praagh)

"Bargaining is a phase we use as a way to control a situation. It is a type of defense mechanism. A person may make a promise to God that if he or she behaves a particular way, then everything will be reversed, or the scenario will be prevented by some miraculous occurrence. Bargaining, like denial, keeps us from facing reality. Sometimes the shock of loss can become too much to bear, and we resort to this kind of reasoning. Bargaining may temporarily comfort some people as they ease into the truth of the situation. However, if you live in an illusionary world where denial and bargaining are totally encompassing, you begin to detach from the reality around you."

As we continue to explore the stages of grief and examine where we may be in this process, I encourage those who have been a part of Renewal to hold fast to what God has done and is doing in your life. Allow the Holy Spirit to be your Comforter.

Dealing With Anger

(The following was taken from the Life Recovery Bible):

"Many of us have a hard time dealing with anger. Some of us have a history of rage, so we try to stifle our feelings. Others of us stuff down the feelings of anger, pretending they don't exist, because we were never allowed to express them in the past. If some of our problems stem from not knowing how to express anger properly, we may try to avoid dealing with it altogether. We may try to 'put it off' and hope it goes away.

The apostle Paul said, 'Don't sin by letting anger gain control over you. Don't let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a mighty foothold to the Devil' (Ephesians 4:26-27). One key is to have daily time limits for handling our anger---time to find ways to express the feelings and then let them go.

Dealing with anger promptly is important because when it is left to fester, it becomes bitterness. Bitterness is anger that has been buried and given time to grow. The Bible warns us: 'Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slanders as well as all types of malicious behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you' (Ephesians 4: 31-32)."

Not Enough Rocks

The following excerpt was taken from the book, "Wounds That Heal" by Stephen Seamands.

"The movie Forrest Gump contains a heartwrenching scene where five-year-old Jenny, Forrest's friend, prays as the two of them are running into a cornfield to hide from her drunken father: 'Dear God, make me a bird so I can fly far, far away from here.'

Years late, Jenny returns to the small town where she grew up to visit Forrest. The two of them, now adults in their thirties, are walking near the abandoned shack where she once lived. As she fixes her eyes on it, painful buried memories of the abuse flood her mind.

She bursts into tears and begins to vent her hurt and anger by picking up the rocks around her and throwing them as hard as she can at the shack. When there are no more rocks, she takes off her shoes and throws them too. Finally she falls to the ground sobbing. As Forrest reflects on the scene he says, 'Sometimes I guess there just aren't enough rocks.'

Like Jenny, deep-seated pain and anger may still fester in your heart. At times, you may find yourself shaking a clenched fist toward heaven as a raging voice within cries out, God, it isn't fair! It's not right. What did I do to deserve this? We agree with Forrest Gump, 'Sometimes there just aren't enough rocks.' "

If you are struggling to work through some anger issues due to things that have happened in your past, come and join us in our Renewal meeting this week. We will be discussing anger, how to handle it, and how to relinquish it to God so He can heal our wounded souls and spirits.

Living Beyond Guilt

Philippians 3:13, 14---"Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. "

Last night, in small group, we talked about living in the "today"---forget about yesterday, don't worry about tomorrow. And, if we could only do that. If we would choose to focus on the things of today, most of us could make it through "today". But, it's the yesterdays and tomorrows that seem to give us so many problems. Rest in God, for He will take care of you.

We discussed guilt and the affect it has on our lives. We talked how we must not take responsibility for everything negative going on in our lives. And, besides, we can't always "fix" it. Learning to trust God by releasing the guilt over things beyond our control, or over things in the past, will bring healing to the soul.

Romans 8: 1, 2 "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death."

Guilt vs. Shame

Shame: the painful feeling arising from the consciousness of something dishonorable, improper, ridiculous, etc., done by oneself or another.

Guilt: a feeling of responsibility or remorse for some offense, crime, wrong, etc., whether real or imagined.

"Guilt says I've done something wrong; shame says there is something wrong with me. Guilt says I've made a mistake; shame says I am a mistake. Guilt says what I did was not good; shame says I am no good."

"Guilt is when we hold up our behaviors against what we want to be." "Shame corrodes the piece of us that believes we can be better."

The following was taken from wmeades.com: "When a person feels ashamed, he thinks of himself as weak and inadequate. The path to healing for guilt leads through forgiveness. The path to healing for shame leads through acceptance. Understandably, these two emotions are closely linked and confused since they often appear in tandem. Adam and Eve felt guilt at having transgressed God’s command. Their guilt feelings led to feelings of shame and the behavior of hiding because they felt unworthy of relationship with God."

Luke 15 tells the story of the prodigal son. The son returns home to his father, and verse 21 states: "Father, I have sinned against both heaven and you, and I am no longer worthy of being called your son." The father hugs and kisses the son, and throws a party. He wanted to relieve his son of shame and guilt. In the same way, God wants to do the same for us. Just go to the Heavenly Father, ask for forgiveness, and He is faithful and just to forgive, heal and restore.

Denial ("da Nile")

Last night, we discussed denial---no, not the river in Egypt (bad joke, I know). In any type of recovery process, whether it be grief or addictions, the first step is to admit there is a problem. Denial will act as a "shield" to temper the things around us so we won't have to "feel the pain". When we come out of denial, we start feeling the pain, and that hurts. Many may go through this stage quickly, while others may require more time to process what has occurred. At some point, you must come to the realization that something bad has happened, and begin to work towards acceptance. But, in the meantime, you will go through those other steps or stages that may be even harder.

The most often heard reference to denial spoken of in the Bible was when Peter denied knowing Jesus just prior to His crucifixion. As Peter was gathered there in the crowd with others, when asked "Aren't you one of his followers?", Peter denies knowing Him. We may judge and wonder how Peter could have done this when being in such close fellowship with Jesus on a daily basis. But, don't be so quick to judge Peter. Do we not sometimes deny knowing Christ in "his power", and try to push Him aside? Do we try to deny that He will take care of us in our weakness? Because, after all, where was God when all these troubles started?

So, I encourage you to stop denying Christ's power to "handle your mess". Step One in the Twelve-Step program: "We admitted that we were powerless over our dependencies---that our life had become unmanageable." Stage One in the grieving process is denial. Accept the first principle of restoration: Step out of your denial and admit there is a problem. God bless you on your journey!

Stages of Grief

In 1969, Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross developed a model for the five stages of grief. I learned about those while attending mortuary school in 1978. I can still remember the acrostic that I used to put them to memory: DABDA
1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance
While researching on the internet today, I learned another "grief model" had been developed which includes seven stages:
1. Shock & denial
2. Pain & guilt
3. Anger & bargaining
4. Depression, reflection, loneliness
5. The upward turn
6. Reconstruction & working through
7. Acceptance & hope
(There was also a four-stage grief model by Dr. Phil, but I won't include it right now).

Last week at our group meeting, I told them about DABDA, but did not go into any details. This week, we will begin to explore the different stages of grief, and find out where in this process you may find yourself. Even if you have worked through various stages, please come and be a part of our discussion. Your testimony in that particular area may help someone else within the group that may be "stuck".

Ecclesiastes 4: 10--- " If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!" Come and let us be your friend.

A Time to Grieve

Ecclesiastes 3: 1, 4---"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance". That's why it's important to take the time to grieve. "Grief comes into each of our lives, and proper channels for its expression must be found. If we fail to grieve over our personal losses properly, it will be easy to fall into addictions and dependencies to try and hide the pain. If we express our pain constructively, it will be less likely to destroy us" (footnote from The Life Recovery Bible).

Grief comes in many forms. Whether you have lost a loved one through death, lost a spouse as a result of divorce, or lost a job or financial security during this economy, you need to take the time to process your losses. Even when you struggle to give up an addiction, you are losing the comfort and companionship you found with that "coping mechanism". You may even lose friendships that you had during this addiction. When this occurs, stop and take time to give the losses a proper burial. When the time of grieving is over, you can journey on.

Renewal small groups will be focusing on grief and depression during the next several weeks. If you find yourself "stuck in grief" and can't seem to journey on, come and join us in our meetings. We meet weekly on Tuesdays at 6:30 pm in the conference room at Higher Praise Church.

First Meeting

Our first weekly meeting will be Tuesday, May 5 at 6:30 pm in the conference room (that's the door on the side of building between the main and youth sanctuaries). You do not have to sign up---just show up. Anyone who would like to be part of a small group in a safe, confidential environment where you're able to discuss life-controlling issues, this is the place for you. This beginning group will not be "topic specific". That means whether you are struggling with addictions, relationships, grief, etc., we want you to come. I look forward to meeting with you on Tuesday.

Organizational Meeting

There will be an informal meeting Thurs., April 30 at 5:30 pm at Higher Praise (overflow area of sanctuary) to discuss future plans for the small group ministry, "Renewal". Anyone interested in being a participant, or possible volunteer, please attend so I may better understand the needs of the church body. If you are unable to attend this meeting, but would like further information as it becomes available, please email me at miteshop@windstream.net, and I will add you to my list.

These group meetings (not over 12 people) will create a safe environment for individuals to come together to share, encourage and pray for one another concerning the life-controlling issues they (or their loved ones) face on a regular basis. Possible areas of ministry will include (but not limited to): Grief, anger, addictive behaviors (drugs, alcohol, food), spiritual abuse, co-dependent relationships, etc. Let's pray for wisdom in the upcoming days as God leads us in making these plans.

Upcoming . . .

What is "Renewal"? It will be the upcoming restoration ministry at Higher Praise Church. I will give a few more details on Sunday night at church. God is looking to bring restoration to His people and set the captives free!

The Price is Right

John and I rent a couple of booth spaces at Peddler's Mall in Campbellsville. (By the way, if you're ever there, we are Booth #1). Each night, an email is sent out informing you of what you sold for that day. Last night before checking my email, I asked John if he wanted to guess how much we had sold. He said he didn't know. I guessed we had sold $31.50. Some days we sell more; a lot of days we will sell less. So, when I checked my email, we had sold $31.41. Wow, is that a coincidence or what? Or was it? Could it have been a small voice letting me know what figure to guess? Could it have been the Holy Spirit just reminding me that He's concerned about all areas of my life, even a small game like "guessing". I pray as I continue my journey with Jesus and the Holy Spirit, I stay reminded of just how important it is to listen, and just how much God really cares!

What's Next?

Last night at church, Brad and his wife Sandy, and I shared our story about the kidney donation offer. It was good to be able to share it with church family so they may pray and support Brad and his family during this time. I know God has a plan in store. We will continue to trust and believe. I hope it inspired individuals to look beyond themselves to others needs, and sometimes go "up and beyond" the call of duty. I know I don't regret following God's lead to offer. Now, I just have to wonder, "God, what do you have next in mind for me to do?"

Day Three, and I'm Out

I found out I was a match with Brad for the kidney donation. I, as well as Brad and his family, were so excited. Then, I went on Jan. 6th for my third day of testing. They did a chest x-ray, EKG, blood work, and CT scan of my abdomen and kidney. I thought we were home free by this point, and we could look towards the transplant. However, things have not turned out as planned. Brad found out about a couple of weeks ago that he has a heart blockage in one of his arteries. So, the doctors are contemplating putting in a stint. Last week, he found out he has pulmonary hypertension, which means they have become more aggresive in the dialysis procedure. Today, I was notified by Jewish Hospital that I cannot be a donor due to my CT scan results. It showed that I had two tubes leading from my left kidney to the bladder instead of one, which makes it an abnormal kidney. I also have small cysts on both kidneys. The kidneys are functioning fine, but since there are some abnormalities, they cannot transplant a less than perfect kidney in this situation.

I have been heartbroken today, and I have shared my news with Brad and his wife. We all agreed that God is still in control; He still has a miracle awaiting Brad. Please continue to pray for Brad's healing. I have had to remind myself today that God honors obedience more than sacrifice, and in this instance, He didn't require the sacrifice of my kidney.